Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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