It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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