By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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