so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just found puke in my bra..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
