I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
