I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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