eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
