on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
