we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
