No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
