I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
