Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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