I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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