Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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