Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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