Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
