I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
