HIV tests are more positive than that guy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
