I got chris browned last night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize