:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
