i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
