You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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