Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
