I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize