so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I would ride that face into the sunset
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
