i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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