I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
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omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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