Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
