you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I could make wine with my vomit
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
