We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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