Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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