Don't make out with my wife yet
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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