never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
