Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
