it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
