I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
