Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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