Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
