Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
