So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
