He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
