saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
