I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
