Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
