I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
