It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
