OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
