i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Randomize
