I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
