if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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