I wish I could teleport
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
