I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
