Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
