I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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