Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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