i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
