I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
