im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
can u get pink eye on your cock?
smell my finger.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
