I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize