my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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