Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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