at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so let's talk penis.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dignity is for republicans.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
