Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
