drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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