what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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