so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
