She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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