gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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