tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
