i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
