now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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