so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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