On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
